Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Pursuit Of Happiness

No one can understand what it means for someone to be on the pursuit of happiness, because everyone's different. Mine begins with a night of talking to my best friend and followed with a few hours of talking with my favorite guy. I always knew I'd need him at some point and for the past month or so he's gone above and beyond the call of duty. And here I say, I am sorry girls, but this guy is a rarity to man kind. I don't know many straight men who actually gives a fuck and then proceeds to talk with you about his own troubles and thoughts. I know, is he honestly straight? And I tell you, yes, he is very much straight. But he has a big heart and gentle soul. Anything he says I take at face value, because how he put it, him talking is like a UFO sighting at the vatican. And yet for some reason he's chosen me to be the one to confide in. I don't question it because I love it. My pursuit of happiness is making sure my friends are happy. If they're happy I'm happy. Talking with him and my best friend makes me happy. So when I am on my Pursuit of Happiness, I listen and watch in awe as I see a young man unfold his brain to me. Every time I speak with him, my breath is always taken away because of the vastness and brilliance hiding behind his bright blue eyes.
There is a reason I do not wish to disclose any names, for I do not want anyone to be swarmed. To shatter the confidence between me and him is a horrible, an unthinkable thing. And also because, in an entirely selfish way, I want to keep him to myself. Those of you who know me, should know who I am talking about, but again, he could still be a mystery to you. As he is a mystery to me. A man who acts more mature and thoughtful then most of the guys my age. In almost every way he is my perfect guy, which scares me honestly. How could this guy be so perfect in my eyes? Maybe I'm just seeing a mask, someone he wants me to see. But, I feel we have an understanding between us. Our nightly come clean ritual is a time for us to vent, let it out. Feeling like a burden, wanting to disappear, starting over. His theory of relativity, and his fuck it theory. These are theories that took him years to come up with then he disclosed them to me and helped me see what I needed to see. My life is in my own hands. What happens happens. And if people dislike what I've got to say, well then is it really worth it? Because, again like he said, I don't want to look at the world as all these people who choose to have nothing to do with me, but as a select few who can't live without me. So I do need to thank him, my self esteem is at the highest its been in years. Though still not as high as I would like, but it's better. And him and my best friend are the ones that bring me back from the brink, every time. So, after this mass of ramballing, I have one question to ask, what is your pursuit of happiness? A good book? music? a long talk at the dead of night? whatever it is. Don't let it go. Follow it, pursue it, if you will lol. I now know mine and how to do it. Make yourself happy. Don't let someone else's happiness come at the stake of your own. Be you. No more masks, fakeness is no longer permitted. If you're fake, I'll let loose my gangster guy on your ass. You have been warned. lol Seriously, leave me a comment letting me know what your Pursuit Of Happiness is. Everyone has one. It's time to embrace it.

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